Sunday, 27 September 2015

He just can't be mean

I'm not sure how I'm going to put this.

Finally, I had an alone time with Inchik S. We went for coffee and just talked. Career, life, his girlfriend and other stuffs.

I asked him, why can't he be mean? Just say that he doesn't want me to like him, want me to stop this feeling I'm having but he didn't say it. I asked again, why can't he be mean? He just smile and we ended talking about something else.

I did say I hate him, for not stopping me from liking him. For being so nice to me. For treating a friend like a soul mate. He ignored my hatred and gave me his foolishly cute smile. I hate him for doing that, I seriously hate to hate him.

I told him I about the existence this blog. How my readers found our stories were amazing, sad and frustrating. How people want to know me because of him. He was interested, but he chose not to know. Some things better be untold, he said.

Nevertheless, I'm happy we had the conversation.

Our serious conversation were triggered from a personality test we did. We were amazed by how accurate the result are, and I actually got to see his personality on paper. I feel like I could understand him better now. It is interesting how a simple test could know us so much. And how we ourselves were amazed by the accuracy of it. You guys should try it too.

Inchik S is an ADVOCATE, an INFJ person. While me is an ADVENTURER, an ISFP person. Take the test and see how accurate the results are.

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Pointless not to me.

1. I miss EMAK.

2. I hate Inchik S, but I also love him.

3. Speak less, and listen more.

4. I like to have fun. I am never a serious person, NEVER.

This post might be pointless to you, but not me. I just need to remind myself of a few things I have in mind, that's all.

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Berbagi cinta

Aku sentiasa ada satu pegangan, tidak menceritakan mimpi aku kepada orang lain terutamanya mimpi buruk. Tapi malam semalam, aku tak tahu sama ada ianya mimpu buruk atau sekadar mimpi. Yang pasti, ianya bukanlah enak.

Saat terjaga dari lena, aku sedang menangis, tersedu-sedan malah. Aku termimpikan saat aku menyimpan arwah Emak kembali ke tempat asal manusia. Memang sedih yang amat.

Sebenarnya, aku selalu rasa bersalah kerana terlalu memikirkan Inchik S lebih dari arwah Emak. Lagi-lagi semalam, perasaan suka dan bersalah itu bercampur baur. Walaupun Emak sentiasa aku fikirkan, Inchik S juga tak lekang dari fikiran. Nah, malam tadi membuktikan betapa aku tertekan dengan perasaan sendiri.

Manusia itu sayang banyak sekali. Mungkin sampai boleh berbagi-bagi, mungkin. I love them both, I truly am.

It is never easy.

His house was just a few minutes away. I bravely took his hand and linked it with mine. I did it, like a straight couple does.

All the back seats were occupied,so he sat in the middle while I was at his right. After we dropped our friend who was sitting at the back with us, he didn't move. He sat still at with my arm linked with his. Heaven!

Moving on is never easy. But I know, and I remember this, love does not mean we should or could be together because love sometimes hurts.

Oh, aku baru pulang dari Medan sebenarnya. Coincidentally my driver there said this, cinta itu ibarat kentut. Kalau ditahan, sakit. Kalau dilepas, ribut. It's always calm after a storm, I hope.