Friday, 4 December 2015


Last night I could not sleep. I did sleep actually, tucked in quite early at that, it was just I woke up early too. So I browse through my phone.

Upon looking through my phone, I found a few pictures that reminisce me of the good old memories. A few pictures of my mom, I miss her, and pictures of Inchik S, I miss him. Coincidentally, a mutual friend of Inchik S and me sent me  a text. I was not really wanting to know about Inchik S, but because I was asking him about all of our other friends, Inchik S was not to be missed.

Apparently, he is not working with Bank Islam anymore. He is now at  Putrajaya, working with the government audit department as I was told.

So near, yet so far.

Instantly I had the urge of texting him. And instantly too, I stopped myself. I know I should not be doing that. It is only two months since I last contacted him. It is still fresh, still new. Judging from my reactions after knowing he is here, I know  there are some feelings left. I need to let things go quick.


On the other hand, I'm quite content with my life right now. Nothing to grief about. And my tenure in a society I involve in is reaching expiry too. Such a relief, a burden almost lifted.

Talking about my work, recently there is this one guy I met through Grindr. He is from my university, so we were meeting for a casual engagement. 

Here's the thing, I had an article written about me on a student's website. The article is about what I do, it's written as a motivation to the readers. However, my department decided to take the article, with my picture in it and posted it on a public notice board so people can read it. Because of this article, people recognize me, including the guy I was meeting earlier. Now, because of this, my anonymous right has been striped off (macam la ada such right, LOL). So sad okay.

The thing about me, I hate being at the centre of a spotlight, not now or forever. When the department posted my picture without my permission, I didn't like it. Yeah, it was online and I have no right to it, but still, urrgghhh! Besides, I don't want to be judge with who I am and with what I do. My personal life and my professional life are not the same.

That guy I met, he judged me. So I left.

Frankly, me being gay affected no one and me in my professional life only brings benefits to the people I help. That guy has no the right to give me his shit. Don't breed, please.

1 comment:

  1. what? he judge you? oh kamon. semua orang dalam dunia is like dr jekyll and my hyde. that guy over gila. bitch slap!!