Monday, 11 January 2016

Awkwardly hot debate

Today marks the final day and final paper at this university. In a few hours, I will be officially graduated from this garden of knowledge, virtues and hypocrisy. My last paper is about English in workplace. How to write business letters, memo, proposals, negotiation and stuff. Not that hard, but it's just handful to handle.

While taking a break after a few hours of revising the subject, I nonchalantly asked a friend of mine, "How did you become straight?". I did not have any bad presumption or anything, just a question came from this absent minded brain of mine.

At that time, there were three of us. Two are gays while the one I asked the question is straight as a ruler, a pembaris besi in fact.

As I said, I was not attacking or condescending anyone, just trying to initiate a conversation. Somehow, things turned ugly. My friends, both of them get worked up over this question. They debated like hell, going back and forth from religious teaching, environment and other stuffs as the catalyst and influence.

The 'debate' went on for more than an hour. From revising a subject, it turned into a hot opinionated debate. I felt terrible. I tried to stop them, but both were too engrossed to stop.

During the awkward 1 hour plus 'debate', I did not interrupt. That's my strong point, I am a good listener. What made me a bit dissapointed was my straight friend's statement, he said that he tried to exclude us (the gays) at one point. He believe we could change if we want to. He blame the environment, our religious practice and us for not trying hard to change. As if we could change.

Hearing him said that made we want to cry. This is the true face of someone I call friend. He despises us, me. I don't blame him, but the judgement he made, I just feel demotivated. To be stabbed right in front, slowly and secretly. It hurts.

And I left. No more of this can I handle. This is just the perfect graduation gift I could ever get. I forgive him, but I can never think of him as highly as before. No more.

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