Sunday, 24 April 2016

We are living together

I was not thinking deep enough when I made the decision to live together. I was just excited that we could live together, apart from I was going to start working. Now, I regret my decision.

Inchik S and I have been living together for 2 weeks now. No, we're not living together as lovers, but as two souls working in this metropolitan city, trying to make a living for ourselves.

Last weekend, I was not sure why, but I decided to get drunk. I drank before, twice in my whole life. But I never get drunk. Mainly because I was always the driver for my drunk friends. So, I need to get sober. However, only a week after living together, I started to feel the burden. The love I thought has lost, the feeling I thought has gone came back gushing towards me. I requested him to be my driver that night.

I ordered a pin of beer, and six tequila shots. At my fourth shot, I was drunk enough. From there onward, I could not control everything I said. Everything on my mind, things I had hid so deep just came out like a waterfall. He now knows everything.

I told him why I like him. I told him I was jealous of his girlfriend. I told him about my worries of living together. I told him about my terrible life, about my suicidal thought. I told him about this blog. I told him how I cried because of him. Some were things I did not even write, and he knows.

But most importantly, I told him to give me time. To be loving someone for 5 years, I need more time to forget him, to get over him, to move on. I begged him. I was so drunk but I did not forget a single thing I told him.

And he being him, just listened. Only little response.

The day after that 'eventful' night, we spoke so little. I was embarrassed for everything I had mentioned on my drunken state. But I have no regret. Finally, he knows everything from this mouth of mine.

Dear God, forgive me for what I did. Give me resolution, peace and soothe me from all these pains.

That would be the last time I ever drank.