Last year of Ramadhan, I spent most iftars alone, in my room. After work, I would stopped at my uni’s bazaar, packed some food enough for me alone, went back home and wait for ifthar. That was mostly my everyday routine.
I am expecting this year to be the same. For example, today, the first day of Ramadhan will be me breaking fast alone. I was perfectly okay last year. But I guess the lonely is slowly creeping in. Because this year, I just don’t feel like eating alone, or even being alone.
When I was admitted to the hospital a few weeks ago, I could not stop thinking that will be my future. I drove myself to the hospital, got admitted and had nothing on me the whole time I was in the hospital with only a few close friends who come to visit. I was sad because I was lonely. And because I know that future might be real for me. I guess I just need to get use of this profound loneliness and learn to live with it.
Happy Ramadhan and happy new government!